Breaking news: “Sean Combs announced as the new starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns”.

Or as Rudy Giuliani would put it: “911”.

I stopped giving conservatives the benefit of the doubt in 1980.

Hard to imagine Trump has read very many books.

By all accounts, he’s never even read his autobiography.

For me, working from home meant eating endangered species for lunch seven days a week instead of just two. Checkmate, liberals.

I think a funnier premise would be a reality TV star who gets hired for a mockumentary about a reality TV star running for President, except it’s not a mockumentary and they don’t tell him he actually ran for President until after he wins the election. Except it’s not very funny because it’s possible that’s what actually happened in 2016.

Appease for long enough to grab a big stick.

Neville Chamberlain got a bad rap from history for doing exactly this. He gave Hitler bits of what he wanted while making sure Britain had enough modern fighters (Hurricanes and Spitfires) to fend off the Luftwaffe when war inevitably did break out.

The Art of the Squeal

You’d have to be living under a rock to not be aware of Musk’s political side at this point … and rocks are too expensive for anybody to afford any more.

Russia or Saudi Arabia. My guess would be Russia since that’s the best place to get Russian prostitutes to pee on you. Although I’m sure Saudi Arabia can provide that, too.

Fun little-known fact: Saudi Arabia provided political asylum for the rest of his miserable, syphilitic life to fucking Idi Amin after he was ousted from Uganda.

I used to work for a software company that was a beneficiary of a $12 million a year political pork grant from the state of Louisiana that was officially intended for improving industrial and manufacturing capability in Louisiana. Somehow, my company was managing to spend this money in Mississippi, and giving it to a national defense contractor that wasn’t exactly in desperate need of (more) government handouts. That’s how fucking corrupt Mississippi is: they even suck in the corruption from their corrupt neighbors, while making sure that not a penny of that shit goes towards improving a state that I would describe as third-world if it wouldn’t be so insulting to the third world.

In his defense, you kinda have to just lay there when a Russian prostitute is peeing on you.

I’m not saying he was any sort of genius, just that he wasn’t the country bumpkin he was pretending to be.

W was an actual Yale graduate and if you look at clips from his governorship of Texas you will see a person who could speak coherently in complete sentences and everything. Republicans have long targeted people with a fifth-grade level of comprehension and fake being that stupid. Trump’s only real innovation is targeting people with a third-grade level of comprehension.

No, that was Ronald Reagan, who gave us most of the SCOTUS justices who picked W over Gore to be President in the 2000 election despite his having lost.

Wow, Rumsfeld died three years ago - I hadn’t heard that. Death at age 88 is almost infant mortality for a war criminal Republican. Count Dracula-Wolfowitz is still going strong, however.

Can you imagine our world today if Gore had gotten in?

It’s not very well-remembered today that Clinton’s administration ended with a budget surplus of hundreds of billions of dollars or that Gore was by far the most prominent voice in the world sounding the alarm about global warming. With a Gore victory we could have been debt-free as a nation by now and actually taking significant steps towards ending our dependency on fossil fuels; instead the debt is $35 fucking trillion dollars (which is so enormous it sounds like a joke) and the only reason this isn’t a bigger problem is that we’re cooking ourselves off the planet anyway and no amount of debt is going to matter.

Somewhat tangential, but “global warming” was always a weak formulation of the problem and “climate change” even more so. I prefer “anthropogenic runaway global heating” which more accurately frames the actual problem and has the handy acronym ARGH.

electronic absentee voter system

the Secretary of State’s office, run by Republican Christi Jacobson

All you need to know right there.

value in-group cohesion more than anything else

This is shown quite clearly in their belief that people get gender reassignment surgery just because of (liberal) peer pressure. It shows how important the opinions of others are to them.

That’s fake news!