Craig Doty II, a Tesla owner, narrowly avoided a collision after his vehicle, in Full Self-Driving (FSD) mode, allegedly steered towards an oncoming train.
Nighttime dashcam footage from earlier this month in Ohio captured the harrowing scene: Doty’s Tesla rapidly approaching a train with no apparent deceleration. He insisted his Tesla was in Full Self-Driving mode when it barreled towards the train crossing without slowing down.
At this point, I believe I know more about sandwich making than any human alive on Earth.
Scene: a gigantic pop up tent with diesel generators in a desert, featuring many granite counters as well as top of the line kitchen appliances, and gamer lighting, all being set up in by workers who are immediately laid off once the jobsite is completed
Elon enters the tent with 4 Tesla bots slowly shambling behind him. One lags out when its remote link to a human controller is severed. Minutes later the remnants of a starlink satellite crash through the far end of the tent kitchen.
3 remaining Tesla bots proceed to bumble around like idiots, unable to open packets of deli ham, entirely ripping off the tops of deli mustard containers
Elon is awkwardly smiling and doing jazz hands the whole time
A neuralink mind controlled pig walks in as one Tesla bot wields a knife. Elon raises his hand to his ear, nods, then pushes a button on some phone app
The pig screams, then a popping noise is heard, and the pig collapses to the ground with smoke and blood coming out of its ears and nose
knife wielding tesla bot attempts to cut the pig’s flank, falls, cannot recover
the two remaining tesla bots continue in vain to open a loaf of bread without ripping the entire loaf apart. One slips and falls backwards, the other one runs out of battery and is frozen in place, holding a single piece of wonder bread
Elon curses, reaches into a refrigerator and hands you a crustable
Cut him a break, he’s pioneering sandwich making with this innovative tech. A few hiccups are to be expected.
Don’t say “cut him a break” around a Tesla product, god knows what command it’ll interpret that as.