I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.
The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.
It’s funny you say that. However it’s a Fox News person that’s asking for this.
Any hacker group willing to recreate that one Black Mirror episode but with a couch instead of a pig?
Hey guys, it’s time to mature up and admit that Vance probably did not have sex with a couch.
He made love to it. Also, the couch was totally asking for it.
You know the couch was into it… When the couch doesn’t want it, nature has ways of just shutting all that down.
I heard the couch was dressed like a total loveseat, and wasn’t even wearing a cover.
The couch was asking for it, wearing that slip cover!
JD Vance is too much of a coward to release the couch sex tape
#releasethecouchtape
It’s on Hunter’s laptop.
Two males? Are they buttery?
Why are these people so fking creepy weird?
Well if politics doesn’t work out for JD there is always OnlyFans
OnlyFutons
Would it help if I filmed myself fucking a couch and put a deep fake over it?
I’ve already got a few clips already in the can.
Can’t hurt!
Well, we do live in the age of AI generated deepfake videos, don’t we? We could feed Jesse Watters’ unnatural curiosity, couldn’t we?
Tell them it’s on Hunter’s laptop and watch them implode!
What’s the story of him fucking a couch? It’s one of the least problematic things about him.
I’m agree, but it is still funny. Anyway, apparently he wrote about it in his book?
He didn’t write about it, which is why this went viral, in a way. It was an online joke and some AP reporter searched his book for the word “couch” and wrote about it in a fact check to disprove that JD fucked a couch
He actually fucked a sofa
That isn’t funny and you shouldn’t make jokes like that.
It was a ❤️ loveseat ❤️.
There’s a lot to unpack in that statement:
“We don’t buy the hoaxes and believe the hype anymore,” he continued.
Yeah, Fox sells them, not buys them. Get your facts straight.
“Our eyes are wide open.
Uh-oh. That sounds pretty woke to me.
And if you’re gonna accuse someone of having sex with a couch, you better have video.” He then brought on a guest to discuss whether Harris has a chance at winning the election in November without further explaining his request for the video.
Yes, because you want to see it…for totally normal reasons.
Weird people
Sofa king weird.
We’ve finally found a job for AI.
Ah yes, a Deep Fake.
I bet it isn’t very deep
As long as the couch is
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it? Bonus points if he refers to the couch as Flipper while borking it.
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it?
The new Rick Roll is inserting footage of JD Vance fucking a couch in between scenes of Hunter Biden fucking a prostitute.
Once Republicans regain power, these will be the only two legal forms of pornography.
I’m sorry… I’m way outta the loop on this one.
Someone explain?
Vance fucked a couch
(It was a joke someone made. I think it was originally amplified when AP decided to “fact check” what was clearly an internet joke)
Edit: https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/07/jd-vance-couch-memes-associated-press
AP pulled the fact check at one point
This is extremely simplistic and reductive, but essentially, after JD Vance was named Trump’s VP, someone made a shit post saying ‘Wow, I can’t believe he said he had sex with a couch, that’s wild’. To their slight credit, the same person commented like an hour later admiting it was all a lie (they just posted the Arthur meme of “You think someone would do that? Go on the internet and tell lies?”), but that didn’t really matter and it got shared around a lot, mostly by people who knew it was fake news but still thought it was funny anyway.
Later that week, AP News did a fact check on it (because, sadly, they have to do A LOT of false-fact debunking) and they essentially said “JD Vance did not have sex with a couch”. HOWEVER, they have an internal policy that says their fact-checks must say only the truth, even if they have to be extremely specific in their wording. Since they originally said “No, he has never had sex with a couch” but, technically speaking, unless they’ve been spying on him for his entire life, there’s no way to actually PROVE that, so they had to take it down. Lots of people saw it get taken down and jumped on that fact as a ‘Well, then he must have done it, obviously’ and the memes continued.
Fast forward to today, and some FOX host who probably still uses Yahoo as their search engine and has no connection with meme culture is demanding the video proof that they presume to exist despite no one EVER saying that there’s proof.
Hope that answered most of your questions
Edit: slightly wording fix
I didn’t even know it was a story until I read about the retraction. Like, “What do you mean they retracted their story saying he didn’t tuck a couch…? Does that mean…?”
tl;dr version: the left has learned to meme
And right is weird
Is yahoo search even a thing still? I used it like a week ago and it said powered by Bing. I wouldn’t be surprised if they took down their search engine and just use a version of Bing instead of an amalgamation.
Yahoo search was killed years ago by the guy that now runs Google search.
This should be the most insane sentence in the thread, except that we’re in a thread about a vice presidential candidate possibly fucking a couch.
There’s only one way out. The VP candidate now needs to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that he has never fucked a couch.
Yeah let’s talk about some stupid meme instead of real issues like single payer healthcare, inequality, and I dunno maybe the fact we just had the hottest ever recorded temperatures on Earth in human history.
Filling the narrative with this drama detracts from focusing public attention on real issues.
But I guess this Vance guy prob just needs to drink what plants crave and not talk like a fag and everything will be ok.
But I guess this Vance guy prob just needs to drink what plants crave and not talk like a fag and everything will be ok.
One, it’s not good to use slurs; even if this isn’t a situation about two men. Two, are you implying Vance’s a gay couch? Three, did you just assume that coach’s gender?
It’s not a slur. The saying is from the movie Idiocracy where society talks like that.
I was implying that Lemmy is in that state of Idiocracy where real issues aren’t discussed but calling everyone a couch fucker who you disagree with is ok.
real issues aren’t discussed but calling everyone a couch fucker who you disagree with is ok
I get where you are coming from. We have a few main factions on Lemmy (tankies, progressives, moderates/liberals, and trolls) and in JD Vance we all found something to laugh at together. Don’t rock the boat. Republicans don’t care about the issues. Democrats know about the issues; we are waiting on Harris to see her platform and which issues she cares about.
